the field trip

why did i move to southern kalifornia?

2005-12-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

over the past few days i've really been pondering whether or not i want to stay here. i mean, it took a lot of guts and balls to come out here to work for nothing and just hope that my hardwork was acknowledged, but lately i've been really considering that my time here might be done.
i don't like the thought of leaving; i want to stay and make movies and be around flim; it's all i've ever wanted to do. there are pro's to staying and con's to staying, as well as pro's to leaving and con's to leaving.

i would make a list but its all frivolous nonsense that you wouldnt care about anyway. Let's just say i have no car, i have no money, i am loveless, people dont like me really here bc apparently i get way to angry way too fast or something...whatever. im really just sick of being judged by a lot of people that dont' know me.

what it boils down to is grit. do i have grit? i always thought when hunter said that he was "chock full of that-man!" he was just being drugged out, but in all honesty, to venture to this place and do something that takes a lot of thick skin to survive, you really do have to have true grit.

failure

2005-12-14T12:10:00.000-08:00

i failed. not my fault though. that job i interviewe for a few weeks ago? yea i pretty much got it, come to find out two weeks later. however, today and yesterday New Line decided to off some heads in the company and fittingly enough it was my future Executive Producer that was off'ed.

lucky me.

now i have no job; my internship is done; i am 10 grand in debt due to this whole LA experience; i have no car; i have no leads; i am jacks unemployed jackass.

shoot me in the temple to get it over quickly.

pulling my hair out in flux

2005-12-01T15:44:00.000-08:00

i have never been more on edge or anxious in my entire life than right now.

i came to this moment of clarity today in the shower when i pulled out a small patch of hair. leading up to my hair falling out i have begun to break out worse than ever in my life, my skin has become so dry it constantly is bothering me, i can't breath right, i have a horrible smoker's cough despite the fact that i don't smoke, and never have i ever let anything in my life allow my body to reflect the events that affect me on a daily basis.

holding out, waiting, patiently submitting to the line of an answer on whether or not Ryan will be staying in 90035 past january is all i think about.

my attention can't go further than reading emails and comic books, i can't begin to think about reading a book much less a script at the moment. my money is running out fast, i have debt like no other and at this point there is no relief in site.

im not trying to complain, im just trying to figure out why at this stage of my life i am finally allowing this type of stress to get to me? typically i don't. you say "sure you have never had stress like this before so it's normal to feel this way" well sorry guys but i have had WAY worse types of stress in my young life already, of which i will not divulge but lets just have faith and trust your pal ryan when he says he has conquered way worse than not having a job.

it's like everday could be the best or worst day of my life, it's the waiting, the anticipation, the nagging feeling in my stomach when i wake up that says "you could be fucked today" and never finding out only to repeat that each day every day.

i am paranoid, i have seen many people come and go wondering if they are the one's who have beaten me, who are better than me and who are more capable than me.

on top of all of this security and financial trouble, i now have wonderful social problems to deal with as well. while i sit here and bitch about all my crap i can only think about those in my life who have it worse, not worse but have bigger pains to deal with and conquer and i am thinking about them to so dont forget that *you know who you are* but women are a pain in the ass. bottom line period end of story.

so maybe tomorrow will be the day i leave my life dreams forever, thankfully i have this one day still to soak it in...

also, my computer is being a bitch so i only get on at work for those of you wondering where i am, its being fixed soon i hope.

bring the thunder bitch

2005-11-15T22:40:00.000-08:00

another productive day at the office. i had an interview today with an executive producer about his assistant job, which will be opening up fairly soon. there were four or so others who also interviewed. i don't really know what to think. our session went well far as i could tell, but i found out that he is having us all read the same script and give him ideas on it. made me feel..i dont know...apart of a herd or something. i dont like shit like that; selling myself always makes me feel uncomfortable, i would much rather have my performance show my ability rather than have to convince someone verbally of it. anyway, about 7 or so people who knew i was interviewing asked me post-meeting how it went. so here's my response and here's what i was really thinking.

when asked: So how'd it go?

my response: It went well. We talked about his projects and what i liked/disliked and he asked me to read a script and give him some ideas.

my real thoughts: Fuck if i know? How do i know? All i can say is that ofcourse it went well for me! i smiled like an idiot and praised his accomplishments! So on and so forth... that's all i can really tell you, i dont know how the hell it went because im not the one making the fucking decision now am i? I mean, is anyone really going to answer with "I BOMBED"? Go away, you bother me.

so that was my morning. my afternoon was filled with more bullshit copying and crappy work. oh what fun!!

On a brighter side, we had our "Just Friends" employee screening tonight. While I knokw most of you don't know what the hell that movie is or who is in it, much less when it is coming out, but I must tell you now, without any agenda, that it was one fucking funny good time of a movie.

Elements of this film were great; the dialogue was hilarious, the characters were colorful, the scenes were zany and physically funny but not over the top unbelieveable that you didn't laugh, the concept was good because we all have had that friend we just wanted to bang and never could get out of the "friend zone" as it is described so eloquently in the film, and last but not least Amy Smart and Ana Farris were hot as shit, PLUS NOT TO MENTION Ryan Reynolds and the actor who plays his brother put on an amazing on screen duo performance rivaling that of Bridges/Goodman in Lewbowski.

All in all, i give it a rousing score and suggest you check this one out with your family and friends over the thanksgiving holiday, i promise you it will be enjoyable.

Now, this is for all of you who read this that i don't know. I would like to start getting some comments going, i know that it is hard to talk about things when i don't really provide rousing topics of interest. That being said you are obviously here for a reason, and that reason is to read my dribble, however, when i do give you something interesting nobody talks either, so i don't know what to say. Should i say i hate jews? or blacks? would that get the feathers ruffled enough for some spicy talk?

Well sorry but i don't hate either ethnic categories so find something else to get pissed about. How dare you suggest such a thing, really.

I'm tired and this entry sucked. Until tomorrow, which apparently is saturday.

if you get that last joke i like you a whole lot.

better to be 20 minutes early than a minute late

2005-11-14T17:49:00.000-08:00

im still sick. i woke up friday morning and felt sick, i got drunk saturday and didnt feel sick but i woke up sunday and puked my guts out and after i got over the hangover i felt sick, thus i wake up today and i still feel sick. typically my sicness cycle lasts about 4 to 5 good days, which would put tomorrow as day 5 and the final sick day, and the least sicky of the bunch. let's cross those fingers that's how it plays out.

nathan drove me to work today and as we pulled up to my building we passed a location shoot outside of this store called Kitson. it was entourage shooting their third season. we were proud we noticed adrien grenier (vinny chase) talking on his celly near the food and beverage table. that was my celebrity spotting of the day.

i am finally ready to make a solid resolution to attempt to update every weekday. it is the least i can do for my avid readers in Canada and the Middle East. while everyday may not be as thrilling as the next, it will provide great filler between tyler durden's updates and gorillamask links. i aim to please, that's what SHE said!

mark ordesky is moving his office from the 2nd floor to the 5th floor and today he cleaned out his cabinets and unloaded tons of Lord of the Rings shit that we all happily pillaged. If you don't know who Mark Ordesky is don't worry im not mad at you but you should. He was the genius who REALLY brought Lord of the Rings to life, did the hiring, and produced the whole thing, all three movies and single handedly saved New Line Cinema from going completely down faster than a U-Boat after Hitler's suicide. so i brought home tons of LOTR's toys and such today, it made me feel a little better.

on my walk home i noticed some kids holding book fair bags. does anyone remember the book fair from elementary school? god i loved those days. I remember all the anticipation to buy books. Would they have the new Where's Waldo? What about the new Magic School Bus? And who could forget Sideways Stories from Wayside school? Those were my classics. I remember that we had it like 3 times a year and they always seemed random but now i realized they aligned the book fair with major childrens holidays. The first was halloween, the second was ofcourse christmas, and the third was valentine's day. They used to have theme's and different types of books for each of these seasons, with each having their respective mascots adorning the cover of the advertisement a week in advance. It was like we felt grown up and were able to read cool interesting books like big people did and instead of us having to go out to get them they just brought them to us. It was "in school shopping" and i loved every second of it.

i know that there was no real order to this post, more of just random thoughts, but hey back off me atleast im updating with more than a bunch of links.

did you know my sweet?

2005-11-13T22:08:00.000-08:00

another weekend in the books from Los Angeles. i would like to sit here and write tonight and tell you that i participated in something more than just drinking and eating, however that would be flat out lie. i drank. i ate. i drank, ate, and watched a lot of football. it's not a complicated life we lead here...most times.

somewhere during the drinking, eating, and manly watching of football i had this weird memory strike me. not so much a memory but just something that has confused and puzzled me since it happened. it happened over the summer. it really made me question the genuine nature of people and the deceptive qualities that you can never really predict in people you meet. maybe i was just hurt because i was so suddenly turned around, or maybe it is just because i still don't know what exaclty went wrong.

anyway, so i can stop confusing those who actually read this, here's the tale. i worked at my uncle's restaraunt all summer, i managed there. i had very few days off. our busiest day of the week was typically sunday because of our amazing brunch, these sundays i usually always worked, most times a double, because we were shorthanded and that's just the type of guy that i am. anyway, on one of these particular sundays i happened to be off, by some stroke of luck due to my absent minded cousin and his lack ok of a ride from the airport two days prior, i managed to get the morning off and only work the night shift managing.

anyway, Daniel and myself, accompanied by two of his gromet friends, decided that since we always work the brunch and never get to actually enjoy it, thought it would be both dastardly and evil to go and have brunch where we normally work on that sunday. so we did. we ate and joked with those who worked while we gorged. if you work or ever have worked in the food service industry you know that it is a big no-no to A) go in and eat where you work during a busy time and B) do that same thing during a normal period you are suppose to be working, so let me just say we were being given the eye by the whole staff, but fuck em' it was our morning off.

well here's where it gets tricky. many gorgeous and attractive girls came in and out of our small restaraunt on a daily basis over the summer. some on their own, some with boyfriends, with families, bored to tears stuck with brother and dad fishing and mom tanning and getting sloppy on margaritas. there were plenty of these girls, and on this morning one gorgeous and beautiful creature walked right into our doors and struck me like an anvil. now normally i don't get all worked up but boy was she impressive.

she came in (with family in tow) and sat in our main dining room, while me and the boys were at the bar. i could not stop looking in the dining room at her. she had this electric smile that was wide and cheshire. stunning. it was the last day of the masters, i think, and we had it on all the tv's at the bar. this caused her father and brother to get up and stand up behind me and my entourage to watch some holes. fine by me, dad looked nice, brother looked nice, no biggie, and then she walks up right behind me and begins to talk to daddy and brother.

i eavesdropped, naturally, come on i was struck blind by this broad, i had to know as much as i could about her.

anyway, they went back to eating and as i finished i could not stop wondering about her. i was really torn as to what to do. many girls came and went, and many of them i saw for an hour and they left just as fast as they came in and spent all of about that hour in my life with me at their service, but this one, this one apparently had some invisible lasso and had caught me up like no other had.

do i go and talk to her while her family is there? sheesh it was a difficult call, i mean if i didnt atleast let this girl know who i was and try i would never forgive myself for it. i was feeling quite ballsy, quite confident to say the least. and while most of you want me to have gone up to their table and said something romantic and charming and witty while casually brushing off that i had done anything at all but i didn't. i wrote her a note, i wrote her a note telling her beautiful she was and how out of all the brief encounters i had at that restaraunt she would be my number one memory. i didn't want to have any regret, i never want to have regret, it's a big thing with me.

so i had my busboy give her the note after i was gone, when she left. i went on with my day, dan and I went surfing, it was good. we had a lovely sunday and i forgot all about the note and just kept a tight grasp onto that smile. i came to work that night and didn't really think much more about it than "well atleast you did it, you can never say you were short on courage."

i worked, did my job, managed things and all that jazz and around 6 or so, right before the dinner rush, i got this call from a number i didn't recognize. i don't answer numbers i don't know so i waited for a message. it was her. she called me. she left me a message. she said i brightened up her day. she said she noticed me too. she said she was from LA. i was moving to LA quite soon. i thought it might've been fate.

i was in shock, and i was the happiest little restaraunt manager that night. a lot of people got free dessert let's just say that. on my next break i called her. she was a doll. she was sweet, and nice and flirty and everything you could ever expect a stunning stranger to be. there was one problem, she was in norfolk now and she was flying back to LA the next morning. bummer.

so the bubble burst. ohwell, i was stuck at work until 11 and she was an hour and a half away, flying in 10 hours to go three hours in the past from me. it wasn't as fateful as i had hoped. then i began to think about it more, if i really believed in no regret, if i really felt that it was worth it, i would drive my ass to norfolk and hang out with this girl for the briefest of time i had left to do so with. so i did. she loved it, she wanted me to come. i went. i drove to norfolk and arrived around 1 a.m. at her hotel, which just happened to be at the end of the street where my dad lived. it was simple, i drive to norfolk, hang with this awesome cool girl who i wanted to get to know more about who intrigued me to no end and who actually wanted me to do this, then when she had to retire i would go home to dad's and wake up and go back to kitty hawk.

and so i did.

we hung out in her lobby and on the docks of the elizabeth river and talked and talked and talked more and it reminded me so much of before sunrise and before sunset it wasn't even funny. we just talked and talked and from what i could gather hit it off better than expected.
i left her that night at 4 a.m. roughly and gave her two things: the only piece of seaglass i found over the summer which was the most beautiful piece i had ever seen and the best piece my aunt said she had ever seen, and a cd that i thought she would like. she liked both. it made me happy to do so. i went home that night feeling 14 again. we didnt' kiss, it never entered my mind. it wasn't like that.

she told me it was her birthday in a few weeks, so i bought her a card and sent it to her. i do things like that, im a big fan of birthdays because i don't really get one, it makes me happy to celebrate others who do get birthdays. that wasn't so bad right? i was just being a nice guy.

over the next two weeks we talked on and off, and it was nice. we talked about me moving to LA and her going back to school in Colorado. i wasn't looking for anything more than just a friend, and i thought she did too, but things somehow turned sour. i talked about visiting her in Colorado, she seemed interested in that at first, but more and more i could tell it might've been freaking her out. so i stopped talking about it, and then we just sort of stopped talking all together.

for some reason, maybe she got the wrong idea from me, she stopped calling back and calling at all. all correspondence was cut off. maybe she freaked. after a while i eventually got out of calling her because she obviously didn't want to talk to me.

In August i moved to LA and thought i would just hit her up to see what she was up to and how Colorado was. she didn't like this. she wanted me to leave her alone and told me i was getting way too serious. ha, little did she know anything serious was the furthest thing from my mind. i just broke up with a girl i had dated for almost two years, another relationship was out of the question hands down. so i stopped trying to contact her at all. no phone calls, no emails, no IM's, no nothing. it's been that way ever since i got here.

so tonight something made me think of her, and im glad it did. she was an amazing person, and i won't forget her. i hope she doesn't hold a grudge, because frankly i dont really think there is anything worthy of one to hold on to. i was nice, simple as that, and i guess it was just misinterpreted.

so if you read this, you know who you are, just know i only had good intentions of being a friend, nothing more or less and thats all.

i guess the moral is don't be vulnerable, dont be dissenting and closed up, but don't let yourself be fooled into a false sense of hope or possibility, don't let anyone pull the shades over your eyes so that you lose sight of what might really be going on. i love, that's what i do, i love everything i do passionately. i love what i love whole heartedly, i guess some people can't take that kind of passion. but that's me, im passionate, so don't take my genuine nature and passionate heart as anything more than what they are because that is where people get me wrong and don't know who i really am.

so, how do you know me?

(drugs + alcohol) / saturday X FSU loss = sloppy ry ry

2005-11-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

So after a weekend of total debauchery at homecoming, i took a vow of sobriety (from alcohol) in order to cleanse myself of all the ridiculous weekend binge's we have been on since i moved to L.A. despite my most valiant effort, it was thwarted on the sunday night following homecoming in honor of the great Bill Williams 23rd birthday. i got drunk, what can i say? it happens.

This past saturday i was once again halted in my journey to cleansing myself when FSU proceeded to lose violently to NC State. Nathan and I both were in a lot of pain so to speak, and while he numbed it with a potion of beer and cigarettes, i decided to "miss the pain" with a concotion of bowl hits and beer, not to mention a little pizza. This was probably not the best idea, especially when you are trying to get rid of the bad toxins in your body and try to start anew. Well shoot me, I am going to start this weekend.

So i have been reading a lot of Tucker Max.com (http://www.tuckermax.com) lately at work, which has caused me to bust out laughing on numerous occasions soliciting various stares and looks around the office as to what exactly is causing such a riot in my respective cubicle.

In regards to that man, i have only two things to say:

1) He is a man

2) I could tell the same stories, with the same endings, punchlines and all if i didn't have any sense of decency either.

While he is frickin' hilarious, he has no respect for the women he fucks or the people he comes in contact with on an almost daily basis. Now this makes for a great read, but really how does one live a life like this, unless ofcourse it is all complete horseshit?

I know he is a good friend of RP(www.gorillamask.net) who is in turn a friend of mine, and a well respect journalist in the blogger world, but seriously, who hasn't had blowjob follies or anal mishaps? I SURE KNOW I HAVE!

In any case, i suggest reading his blog, it is quite good and actually makes me feel like being more of an asshole than i already am when i get drunk. I have decided to start reading a t-max story before i go out on the town from now on to get a sense of arrogance about me in order to hook up since i havn't done that in quite a while.

That being said, I now welcome any offers on boobies. All are welcome to apply, just email me @ grayrj@jmu.edu.

Until then, your moment of booyah...

let's play clowns

2005-11-03T15:12:00.000-08:00

dear one dear all...

i have returned from the dead to summarize some of the past few weeks happenings. i have heard around the campfire that my last post was less than well received by my small viewing public so i have made an effort this time to come across a little less depressing, because frankly i am defintely not but on that particular night i was a little upset at a few things, needless to say all is well now, so lets continue...

there have been a few events that have happened since last we spoke, so here's a list:

hannah's birthday party
domino was released
more celebrity spottings
went to a strip club
saw The Fog with shannon
went to JMU homecoming
went out with Phil
went bowling at the bowling alley where the real Dude plays

in no particular order:

EVENT #1
place: hannah's birthday
drinking: yes, stupidly.
celebrites: one

hannah's birthday was a complete drunken mess. we started around noon and i didnt stop until 1 am. i met diamond dallas page who is a WCW wrestler and a bad ass mother fucker. i didnt puke, however, i did begin to lay down repeatedly on the couch while singing whatever random song was on regardless of whether i knew the lyrics or not. someone brought kfc and that was great!!

bottom line: never go in without your pals to a party, not only will they witness more football than you did that day, but you will also be leagues ahead of them in sobriety and that only means one thing: conflicting sexual interests. that's all im gonna say (lung).

Event #2
place: sardo's (karaoke bar/strip club)
karaoke songs played: 3 (hold on, nothing but a g thang, piano man)
amount of money spent at strip club: $40
real world cast members drinking jack daniels: one

well now how do i describe the most random night so far in Los Angeles....well i guess RANDOM would work. i get off of work on this typical friday and come home to Geoff ofcourse in his room and Nathan not yet arrived home. While i proceed to get ready for the nights functions i ask myself and Geoff "What is the agenda?" Well Geoff's friend Staci was in town from Hawaii and she also is a JMU alumni, so the plan was to go to her hotel room where Heather and Adam were waiting. You may or may not know Adam from Real World Paris. Anyway....we drove off to hollywood not knowing what we would find. We run upon a storm and crowd of many folks dressed in red and white. Now being good natured sports fans as we are we knew taht some sort of sporting event had just taken place.

Now if you know us then you know that we have been planning for weeks now to attend a Hollywood High School football game. In all of its glory and wonder High School football is perhaps pivotal in a sporting fan's life. Our only problem with attending is that all the games seem to be during the day at 3 pm or so. This poses a big problem as Nathan and I are at work and cannot get off to attend. That being said, we were shocked amazed suprised sadden and PISSED OFF to find out that these true fans had just witnessed the FIRST Hollywood high School Football game played at night. Damn. Damn Damn. We were broken, our only shot gone in an instant. Maybe in another 40 years.

We scaled the elevator (yes scaled the elevator) to Staci's hotel room finding Heather her and Adam already drinking. Us being the wise sage's that we are brought a back pack full of Miller Lite and we all proceeded to drink as fast as we could. The girls and Adam wanted to go to a club and dance, and we ofcourse do not partake in such nonsense, therefore we headed to our one haven: AMAGI'S

we arrive at the Mag's and it is PACKED. I am talking like a freshmen kegger the first weekend of school packed. As we approached and Nathan parked the car, i immediately ran inside to see what the hap's was on singing/sitting/drinking. I see that A) its way too crouded and B) i would never get to sing, so i come back outside, having lost Geoff, only to find him talking to a crackhead, and BOY was Geoff entertained! This guy had the most jacked teeth possible, i could see the crack crystals around his mouth, and he was a flaming gay. Im not homophobic but sometimes its just necessary to state the obvious.

Just in time Nathan pulls up as I am desperately giving Geoff the "Where's Pico?" speal and we all jump in the car and wrecklessly find a new place to commence drinking. At this point we are desperate, we suggest a case and back to the house but nobody seems to want to go home.

Then we call up our good buddy Jen Deminco, who's birthday it just happened to be. She wanted to go out, she had a friend in town, and she demanded that we i.e. "the coolest motherfucking swingers in LA" take her out. After failing at another bar (due to a cover of $7; like we would ever, psh!) we then seek out fellow New Line'r and drinker Dave N. Dave is drunkenly participating in what we call "karaoke" at a place way over in the Valley, which is you know is basically like traveling from Coruscant to Tatooine, it is a shit load of a pain to get to. Despite this fact, we were on a mission to show Jen D a great time on her day of birth. Off to the Valley we go...

We arrive at Sardo's and immediately I am struck by an overwhelming sense of pleasure. I see Dave and his roommate Drew in the corner sippin beers with beverages already there for us and I am now happy. Geoff, Dave, and myself all decide to sing respective songs and while we put them in Geoff recieves a call from a friend of his who he went to high school with. Geoff steps away to take the call and in the mean time we continue to rock out.

When Geoff comes back he has a grin slapped across his face that just says "kittens." Apparently Geoff's good buddy from back home now is the general manager for a strip club which just happens to be in the vicinity of our location. Not only that, but we are invited in FOR FREE and now have plans for post-karaoke depression: BOOBS.

Not to sell Sardo's short at all, but now the night just went from anticipated to depressing to hopeful to AMAZING! Needless to say we then proceeded to rock the fuck out to a lot of piss poor karaoke until three amazing performances to cap off the night.

Warming up: Dave Neu singing "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips

***you can only imagine the crowd participation***

Middle Act: Ryan Gray "Nuthin' but a G Thang" ala Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg

***the crowd was in absolute amazement at the white boy bustin' flows***

The Grand Finale: Geoff Latulippe "Piano Man" by Billy Joel

***wow, finally a karaoke bar with this song for Geoff, no words, no words***

Immediately afterwards we pile in the car and off we are to see boobies, full of excitement with one's in hand. Upon arriving we discover that there is no alcohol served, which was probably a good thing considering things can get expensive at a strip club. We walk in and immediately are hit with non stop vagina and breast action flying everywhere. We take our seats at the side of the stage as Dave and I proceed to slop one's on the stage in clear view of the lovely dancers. We were gentlemen ofcourse, and the ladies loved us. I saw more of the human body that night than a pre-med student, i think i even saw a baby selling weed, i dont know it was hazy.

The cou-de-gra of this whole action packed night was Jen Deminco recieving her first lap dance. Uh-mazing. So we went from chilling at home, seeing our only chance to catch a high school football game happen moments before our arrival, being turned down at Amagi's due to capacity, to singing some great karaoke and seeing boobs to cap off the night. It's been a successful time off I would say.

This is perhaps the longest post of my life, it has spanned more than four days writing due to interruptions at work so I will spare anymore for now. I will from now on attempt to write at a more frequent rate. Adeui.

cellar door

2005-10-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

i have three things to say tonight

1) i am utterly a lone

2) i thought i was a happy guy but tonigh i realized i am not

3) i am angry

the end.

feeling a bit of nostalgia

2005-10-06T00:09:00.000-07:00

the past is something obviously we can never get back. memories are all that we can keep from something we miss and most times they can bring back the saddest and the happiest of feelings. tonight i'm feeling tad bit bittersweet.

i miss a few people. im not talking about folks from college because i spent four great years with them, i am talking about the friends that i learned how to drink with, that i helped escape police late at night. the friends i traveled back and forth with to the beach on school days and the friends i went to stupid proms with, the friends who i egged and tp'd houses with. The friends i played court baseball with and the friends i rode boats on summer afternoons with.

i was looking at Bria's profile tonight and she had some pictures up. it made me miss a few people. i really regret a lot of things from the past four years. i lost touch with a ton of my best friends whom i have come to realize really were awesome and who i basically took for granted while i was in school. i mean i didnt take them for granted, i am just the type of person who doesn't miss things very often, and it is hard for me to "miss" friends only because i will love and cherish them no matter how long the time or space between us, no matter how much time passes between our last meeting or conversation i know in my heart i will always care about them.

when i went away to school i went away with the intent on leaving a lot of shit behind me from home. i went to a place where i could start over, basically forgetting that i would eventually lose the small amount i wanted to take with me-- my friends.

i can't get these past four years back. sure i did a lot of stuff i will never forget, but i also missed out on a lot of memories with those who made me who i am now. this is for you guys. i will not proceed to make the sappiest list of people i miss for all the world to see, shove off if you can't handle it.

mike bright, dude i miss the way you make me laugh and always are restless and are never happy. it is you that was missing from my life in recent years, i can never get back the jokes you made or the impatient change of scenery you demanded but i will know that someone did enjoy those things and hope that i was in mind while you guys were doing them all.

stefan; im glad you went to europe, i am glad you continue to do music, you were the most talented one of us and i can't say i dont miss your lethargy but i do miss you being my little bitch man, more than you know dude.

matt hundley, that beard of yours rocks. i am profoundly forever indebt for all the knowledge you bestowed upon me and i miss your sarcasm and your wit. take care of my outer banks while im gone.

paul adams, well you left us before i left you and you're in a similiar boat so i can't say much other than i miss all the inappropriate times we had at your place.

bria and allie, you two are perhaps the two happiest things i miss. you always made me smile and put me in a good mood. you were contagious and i can see that you have taken that fortunate trait to where you are now and i am jealous of those who are now in your company. i just hope you dont forget about me over here on the left side. you are my mo mo and porkchop and remain to this day my favorite memory of my last summer before school, love you girls.

i could go on forever but i am tired and have to get up early for coverage in the morning. hope everyone enjoyed my soul to text. goodnight.

xoxo-slightly drunk ryan

life and times of an intern: chapter 1 - eye on the prize

2005-10-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

So let’s talk about work. Everyday I walk a mile and half down a street that sometimes smells like urine, but more often smells like well…urine. I often pass a few homeless folks, usually the same ones everyday, and many strangers. I see the same vendors and shop owners opening up at the same time everyday. I have even gotten the timing down on a few street signs in order to hasten my trip.

Generally I sweat a lot on my way, not because it is too hot or because I am walking really fast, or even because it’s a rough walk, but because you just sweat when you walk a moderate distance and also because, and this is my own opinion and I am not sure whether it is true or not but, I think that the hottest time of any day isn’t the mid-day but the morning when the sun starts to hit its beginning peak, like 9 to 11ish. I just always feel like when the sun hits the moisture left over from the evening it creates this mini humidity that makes it hotter than it really is for that brief time period, and also it is difficult to adjust to such a rapid change in temperature from very nice to warm as fast as mother nature wants us to. Wow that was a long description of the weather, anyway…

I pass billboards for dozens of movies and street signs for everything from television, movies, and music to even books and religious conferences. Suffice it to say that my walk is nothing short of “colorful.” I listen to my mp3 player, think about the wonderful opportunity I have here in LA and sip my water to stay cool, smiling occasionally at anyone who wants to take in my southern mannerisms and often singing louder than I should but its ok because I fit right in with the roller skating homeless guy.

So when I arrive I see posters for the films New Line has released recently, will release, or are coming soon. I pass those two Oscars I described before and follow a row of assistant desks, more or less saying hi whether verbally or with my smile to every one of them, and head to my own desk. Up to this point my day is pretty much great. I work in an office with great people and I am getting to know the industry that so many want to be apart of and so few are ever allowed in; I consider myself lucky and at an advantage, at least until the phone rings.

Now as I have said before my duties include, but are not limited to:

-copying scripts (often times dozens and dozens a day)
-binding scripts (many times a day)
-putting in scripts for coverage to be read that evening
-running up and down getting these scripts and delivering scripts to other assistants and execs.
-sending stuff out for messenger
-answering Disco’s phone
-covering any number of desks that need covering

These are my basic tasks, not too hard, but not in the slightest unimportant. It is sometimes monkey work, but often times I go beyond what is asked and I take pride in that. Whether it is labeling scripts that weren’t asked but were going to be done anyway, or asking when I’m in the area if there is anything I can help any assistant with, I do what I can when I can. I am not by far saying I am the shit or am awesome but I pride myself in my work, no matter what it is; always have, always will.

However, when someone takes advantage of my generosity, willingness, and attitude to do whatever I can whenever I can, it kind of pisses me off. I am in now way getting into any specifics but let’s just say that Monday and Tuesday were not the best and brightest of my days so far here in L.A.

Now I understand the nature of the business. I am here to work for free to prove I belong, to show that I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay and become a player. I respect everyone around me (for the most part) and feel that I do belong with them. If I didn’t I would not hesitate to leave or recognize that when this is over then I am back to Virginia. But I have been through too much shit in my life, and done far too many tasks where I was taken for granted, used, and underappreciated to let this shit take the cake. Basically I am venting, but where else can I vent but on my own damn blog?

On the bright side I think everyday I show up, do work, shut up and take it is another day closer to getting a job and being respected. There are perks and those perks are great, like seeing the list of celebs I have posted a bit earlier, not to mention being allowed access to a plethora of scripts that only a few eyes are allowed to see.

So what I am getting at is no matter how much I guess I feel like I am being stepped on or used, that really that’s what I am here for, to be used and utilized to my fullest extent. If someone needs 40 bound copies total of 6 different scripts, so be it, I will just have to suck it up and deliver it with a smile, because all the bullshit you can go through in your life will never amount to the piece of shit you would feel like if you regret not following what you wanted.

Ok done with my philosophical rant, goodnight and good luck.

celebrity time

2005-10-04T21:47:00.000-07:00

well my profile space on my screen name has officially been maxed due to all the celebrity sitings i have had so i have decided to start a list on here instead. it will go from most recent to oldest and will constantly be updated so dont be afraid to check back often seeing as i averaging a celebrity a day, sometimes two! ok enjoi:

stacy kiebler (wcw/wwe hottie) 11/4/05 new line office, she said hi to me unprompted

adam shankman (director) 11/3/05 we met personally at new line

michael rapaport (the war at home) 11/3/05 new line office

vincent a vaughn (need i say anything really?) 11/2/05 new line office, we made eye contact

seann william scott (stifler in american pie) 11/2/05 new line elevator, we spoke it was cool

jon heder (napoleon dynamite himself) 10/21/05 New Line Waiting area

rosario dawson (rent, sin city) 10/19/05 coming in to see Mark at New Line

scott bakula(quantum leap) 10/18/05 at the beverly center

andy milonakis (douche bag, waiting) 10/17/05 new line waiting area

tom arnold (best damn sports show period) 10/17/05 new line waiting area

kristin johnson (3rd rock from the sun) 10/14 at taco bell

kate nauta (transporter 2) 10/14 new line waiting room

fat joe (rapper mogul) 10/13 at subway

joel schumaker (director Batman Forever etc) 10/7 new line office

robert patrick (terminator 2) 10/6 at a concert

kristin davis (of sex and the city fame) 10/4 in the new line office

eva longoria (desperate housewives) 10/4 in the new line office

frank oz (yoda/fozzy bear) 9/30 in the new line office

dane cook (comedian) 9/30 in the new line office

lisa ling (former host of The View) 9/29 at the newsroom cafe

iron chef host ( i dont know his name) 9/28 in the new line office

anthony keidis (red hot chili peppers) 9/27 at the newsroom cafe

cameron diaz (the mask, charlie's angels) 9/27 at a taco bell

david cronnenberg (director history of violence) 9/24 new line office

elizabeth and andrew shue (leaving las vegas & melrose place) new line office

paul walker, scott caan, giovanni ribisi, diane lane, tyson beckford, josh brolin, peter gruber, ashley adams 9/21 Into the Blue Premiere

lauren holly (dumb and dumber) 9/19 new line office

ricky shroeder ( silver spoons) 9/15 new line office

jessica alba (sin city, fantastic four) 9/12 on the street i accidentally ran into her

luke perry (90210) 9/12 in the new line waiting room

ben savage (boy meets world) 9/9 at a cafe near my building while eating lunch

I've made my bed and I will sleep in it! Even without sheets.

2005-09-28T07:58:00.000-07:00

Guess who's back?

That's right, it has been a very long time since I have written anything on the internet, aside from my recent bablings on myspace.com, however I hope that in my abscense all of the 4 people who consistenly read were able to find someone else's lives to invade.

This one will be short seeing as I must gather myself for a busy day of work (FUN! no, seriously my job kicks ass) but I will do my best to catch a lot of folks up here.

In April I discovered that my good friend Geoff could provide his service and get me an internship at New Line Cinema (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Lord of the Rings, The Notebook, and such). Seeing as I was graduating in May I felt 'What the hell?' and decided at the end of the summer I would move out to Los Angeles and work for FREE at New Line.

Over the summer I lived and worked in the Outer Banks at one of my families restaraunts Chili Peppers and also at the Flying Fish. Started surfing and left for L.A. at the end of August.

So here I am now, writing at 8 a.m. after having many inspirational stories strike me since I got here. I figured it was high time I got back to sharing, even though nobody asked me, the life that I lead. Not to gloat or toot my own horn but its a pretty good one right now.

So now I get up every morning and walk about a mile and a half to an office off of Beverly Drive near the Beverly Center. New Line's office isn't the biggest or the smallest but it is a nice place. I walk into the second floor each morning and sitting to my left are two Oscars, representing all the great work that has been done and will be done in this same office. I pass as row of smiling assitants, most of whom acknowledge my existence and proceed to the rest of my date, which consists of copying scripts, delivering scripts, reading scripts, discussing scripts and movies, and generally anything invovling the development of movies.

Dig it?

So to say that working for free is bullshit is, well like your opinion man. I highly enjoy it and am hoping that all my hard work will pay off and retain me a real square job at New Line or anywhere else. So suffice it to say that this is what my new 'blog' will be about. Well that...and a pair of testicles.

I now live with Geoff and our other roommate Nathan, along with our sometimes here sometimes not wannabe roommate John One Lung. They have been having their escapades long before I arrived, but now I have the pleasure of joining in so expect to hear alot about them as well.

Anyway, this is the boring, getting to know you again chit-chat and dont harp on me bc i am not being "funny" or "cynnical" or voicing my very overbearing opinion on something, but DONT WORRY, I WILL!

Expect more updates than you can shake a stick at baby, bc I have ammuntion now and as fun as JMU was, there is more action out here to write about in a day than there are titties in a horror flick.