the field trip

another self-glorifying piece of trash that you can't resist to read. tempt you enough?

Thursday, November 03, 2005

let's play clowns

dear one dear all...

i have returned from the dead to summarize some of the past few weeks happenings. i have heard around the campfire that my last post was less than well received by my small viewing public so i have made an effort this time to come across a little less depressing, because frankly i am defintely not but on that particular night i was a little upset at a few things, needless to say all is well now, so lets continue...

there have been a few events that have happened since last we spoke, so here's a list:

hannah's birthday party
domino was released
more celebrity spottings
went to a strip club
saw The Fog with shannon
went to JMU homecoming
went out with Phil
went bowling at the bowling alley where the real Dude plays

in no particular order:

place: hannah's birthday
drinking: yes, stupidly.
celebrites: one

hannah's birthday was a complete drunken mess. we started around noon and i didnt stop until 1 am. i met diamond dallas page who is a WCW wrestler and a bad ass mother fucker. i didnt puke, however, i did begin to lay down repeatedly on the couch while singing whatever random song was on regardless of whether i knew the lyrics or not. someone brought kfc and that was great!!

bottom line: never go in without your pals to a party, not only will they witness more football than you did that day, but you will also be leagues ahead of them in sobriety and that only means one thing: conflicting sexual interests. that's all im gonna say (lung).

Event #2
place: sardo's (karaoke bar/strip club)
karaoke songs played: 3 (hold on, nothing but a g thang, piano man)
amount of money spent at strip club: $40
real world cast members drinking jack daniels: one

well now how do i describe the most random night so far in Los Angeles....well i guess RANDOM would work. i get off of work on this typical friday and come home to Geoff ofcourse in his room and Nathan not yet arrived home. While i proceed to get ready for the nights functions i ask myself and Geoff "What is the agenda?" Well Geoff's friend Staci was in town from Hawaii and she also is a JMU alumni, so the plan was to go to her hotel room where Heather and Adam were waiting. You may or may not know Adam from Real World Paris. Anyway....we drove off to hollywood not knowing what we would find. We run upon a storm and crowd of many folks dressed in red and white. Now being good natured sports fans as we are we knew taht some sort of sporting event had just taken place.

Now if you know us then you know that we have been planning for weeks now to attend a Hollywood High School football game. In all of its glory and wonder High School football is perhaps pivotal in a sporting fan's life. Our only problem with attending is that all the games seem to be during the day at 3 pm or so. This poses a big problem as Nathan and I are at work and cannot get off to attend. That being said, we were shocked amazed suprised sadden and PISSED OFF to find out that these true fans had just witnessed the FIRST Hollywood high School Football game played at night. Damn. Damn Damn. We were broken, our only shot gone in an instant. Maybe in another 40 years.

We scaled the elevator (yes scaled the elevator) to Staci's hotel room finding Heather her and Adam already drinking. Us being the wise sage's that we are brought a back pack full of Miller Lite and we all proceeded to drink as fast as we could. The girls and Adam wanted to go to a club and dance, and we ofcourse do not partake in such nonsense, therefore we headed to our one haven: AMAGI'S

we arrive at the Mag's and it is PACKED. I am talking like a freshmen kegger the first weekend of school packed. As we approached and Nathan parked the car, i immediately ran inside to see what the hap's was on singing/sitting/drinking. I see that A) its way too crouded and B) i would never get to sing, so i come back outside, having lost Geoff, only to find him talking to a crackhead, and BOY was Geoff entertained! This guy had the most jacked teeth possible, i could see the crack crystals around his mouth, and he was a flaming gay. Im not homophobic but sometimes its just necessary to state the obvious.

Just in time Nathan pulls up as I am desperately giving Geoff the "Where's Pico?" speal and we all jump in the car and wrecklessly find a new place to commence drinking. At this point we are desperate, we suggest a case and back to the house but nobody seems to want to go home.

Then we call up our good buddy Jen Deminco, who's birthday it just happened to be. She wanted to go out, she had a friend in town, and she demanded that we i.e. "the coolest motherfucking swingers in LA" take her out. After failing at another bar (due to a cover of $7; like we would ever, psh!) we then seek out fellow New Line'r and drinker Dave N. Dave is drunkenly participating in what we call "karaoke" at a place way over in the Valley, which is you know is basically like traveling from Coruscant to Tatooine, it is a shit load of a pain to get to. Despite this fact, we were on a mission to show Jen D a great time on her day of birth. Off to the Valley we go...

We arrive at Sardo's and immediately I am struck by an overwhelming sense of pleasure. I see Dave and his roommate Drew in the corner sippin beers with beverages already there for us and I am now happy. Geoff, Dave, and myself all decide to sing respective songs and while we put them in Geoff recieves a call from a friend of his who he went to high school with. Geoff steps away to take the call and in the mean time we continue to rock out.

When Geoff comes back he has a grin slapped across his face that just says "kittens." Apparently Geoff's good buddy from back home now is the general manager for a strip club which just happens to be in the vicinity of our location. Not only that, but we are invited in FOR FREE and now have plans for post-karaoke depression: BOOBS.

Not to sell Sardo's short at all, but now the night just went from anticipated to depressing to hopeful to AMAZING! Needless to say we then proceeded to rock the fuck out to a lot of piss poor karaoke until three amazing performances to cap off the night.

Warming up: Dave Neu singing "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips

***you can only imagine the crowd participation***

Middle Act: Ryan Gray "Nuthin' but a G Thang" ala Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg

***the crowd was in absolute amazement at the white boy bustin' flows***

The Grand Finale: Geoff Latulippe "Piano Man" by Billy Joel

***wow, finally a karaoke bar with this song for Geoff, no words, no words***

Immediately afterwards we pile in the car and off we are to see boobies, full of excitement with one's in hand. Upon arriving we discover that there is no alcohol served, which was probably a good thing considering things can get expensive at a strip club. We walk in and immediately are hit with non stop vagina and breast action flying everywhere. We take our seats at the side of the stage as Dave and I proceed to slop one's on the stage in clear view of the lovely dancers. We were gentlemen ofcourse, and the ladies loved us. I saw more of the human body that night than a pre-med student, i think i even saw a baby selling weed, i dont know it was hazy.

The cou-de-gra of this whole action packed night was Jen Deminco recieving her first lap dance. Uh-mazing. So we went from chilling at home, seeing our only chance to catch a high school football game happen moments before our arrival, being turned down at Amagi's due to capacity, to singing some great karaoke and seeing boobs to cap off the night. It's been a successful time off I would say.

This is perhaps the longest post of my life, it has spanned more than four days writing due to interruptions at work so I will spare anymore for now. I will from now on attempt to write at a more frequent rate. Adeui.


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